Rock Bottom
by wild wolf free17
Summary: “The only way to crawl out of the bottle is to hit rock bottom.” [postseason6 CJ fic, oneshot]


**_Not my characters. Just for fun. _**

**_Warnings: after season 6 _**

**_I've seen maybe five complete episodes of the entire series. I tuned in merely for CJ because of Jensen Ackles and "Supernatural."

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The only way to crawl out of the bottle is to hit rock bottom. There's really nowhere else to go once you have.

It's easy to lie to yourself when you lie to everyone else, but once the truth slips free it's hard to hold onto. So the words flow without stop, alcohol loosening your tongue, and no one wants to hear.

Least of all your father. You see the warning in his eyes but you can't stop. Can't even contemplate stopping. For years, it's built, your resentment and anger and pain.

You used to be scared of him. But now you see him for what he is. He's just a sad, pathetic shell. He's what you could become if you don't hold onto the few good qualities you still posses.

The slap is not unexpected and you smile at the sharp pain. The second flies just as swiftly and your grin doesn't falter.

He's what you could become, and the alcohol lets the hidden words pour forth as from a fountain. He's what you could become, and you've hated him since you understood what hate is.

The only way to crawl out of the bottle is to hit rock bottom and as he keeps hitting you, you realize you're there.

* * *

When you wake days later, you know that you'll never drink again. You walk out of the hospital and don't answer to 'Chris' anymore.

Chris was your father's son and you no longer have a father. Chris lived on alcohol for six years and cared for no one but himself. Chris lied and lied so often he couldn't see the truth anymore.

Chris was your father's son and you no longer lie.

You leave California for New England and never look back.

* * *

David never asks about your past but in passing, small questions that don't hurt. You don't always answer but you never lie.

The scars are faded and unnoticeable, and the worst were never on your skin, anyway.

He has his own demons and you never wanted to protect or comfort anyone the way you did him. It's easy just to hold him, press a soft kiss into his hair. He never asks for more, though you know he's falling for you.

If you didn't have the memory of your father, you might love him in return.

* * *

The only way to crawl out of the bottle is to hit rock bottom.

Jen is a nice girl, and you could grow to love her. But the timing's not right, never would be with her. She's half in love with Jack, anyway.

So when David leaves Jack for a job opportunity in Florida, you leave with him. Jen has Jack and Grams and a circle of friends you envy—and David has only you.

Really, you know, he has only ever had you.

You kiss her goodbye and don't glance over your shoulder.

* * *

Jen never understood you.

Lying was second nature before you hit rock bottom, and that's a hard habit to shake. You've always been a natural storyteller; you've always known how to charm people.

And you've always been drawn to broken souls. You think it has to do with your own, when you think about it all.

Really, it's always been there, in the back of your mind.

You're not gay. It's a fact of life. But love isn't about the wrapping.

David's understood you from the beginning.

* * *

The only way to crawl out of the bottle is to hit rock bottom. You hit rock bottom when you were eighteen and the crawl nearly killed you.

You didn't stop crawling for years, but finally you can stand again.

* * *

Jen's funeral is solemn. Jack holds her daughter and Grams stands tall with tears pouring down her face.

You kiss Grams' forehead and Jack's lips, lightly touch Amy's cheek, and pause by Jen's grave. You don't say goodbye or that you loved her. You don't look back as you walk away.

* * *

You hit rock bottom. But you're standing tall now. You're better for it. In spite of it. Maybe even because of it.

David waits for you in the car.

None of them ever understood you.


End file.
